The Habsburgs
A Love Story (Of Cousins, Chins, and Keeping It in the Family)
Ah, the Habsburgs—a dynasty so powerful, so glamorous, so extra—they made sure their empire and their DNA never strayed too far from home. If the saying “Home is where the heart is” ever needed a weird historical poster child, it would be the Habsburg family. Because for them, home wasn’t just where the heart was—it’s where the spouse, cousin, aunt, or all three at once also happened to live.
Royal Tinder: Swipe Right for Cousins Only
Let’s start with the family’s approach to marriage, which can be summed up in one motto: “Why outsource when you can in-source?” Most royal families treated marriage as a way to forge alliances, spread their power, and maybe mix up the gene pool a little. The Habsburgs, however, took one look at the family tree and said, “This is fine.”
Instead of branching out, the Habsburgs turned their family tree into a wreath. They didn’t just keep it in the family—they kept it right there in the first couple of branches. In fact, if a Habsburg wedding wasn’t at least a little awkward because both sides of the aisle were the same people, was it even a royal wedding?
The OG Power Couple(s): Uncle Meets Niece
Take Charles II of Spain’s grandparents, Philip II of Spain and Anna of Austria. They weren’t just husband and wife—they were also uncle and niece. You read that right. Uncle. And. Niece. Modern family reunions might feature a cringe-worthy game of charades, but in the 16th century Habsburgs, it featured “I now pronounce you man and wife (slash uncle and niece).”
Sure, this level of closeness might make today’s genealogists and Netflix screenwriters shudder , but for the Habsburgs, it was love. Or duty. Or maybe just math? After all, if both sides of the family already have royal blood, why go looking elsewhere? Efficiency at its finest.
Netflix's The Empress conveniently glosses over the fact that Elisabeth and Franz were first cousins, sidestepping a key detail about the tangled web of royal family trees in favor of a more universally palatable love story.
When Love Gets a Little... Chromosomal
Now, let’s talk about the results of these loving unions. The most famous example is Charles II of Spain, lovingly referred to as “The Bewitched.” Poor Charles inherited a gene pool so shallow you could wade in it without getting your feet wet. He was riddled with health issues, had a jawline that doubled as a diving board, and reportedly couldn’t even chew properly.
But hey, it wasn’t all bad. The family’s commitment to inbreeding gave us the most iconic chin in history (and the medical term “Habsburg jaw” or prognathism). It also gave us valuable lessons, like: “Maybe don’t marry your niece if you want your heirs to survive their teens.”
Family Love Above All Else
You have to admire the sheer dedication the Habsburgs had to the concept of family loyalty. While other monarchies dabbled in marrying distant cousins from foreign lands, the Habsburgs kept it hyper-local. Their family motto, “Let others wage war; you, happy Austria, marry,” wasn’t just a catchy slogan—it was a lifestyle.
Of course, "marry" didn’t mean just anyone. It meant your cousin. Or your second cousin. Or, in a pinch, your sister-in-law who is also your first cousin who is also your ex-fiancé. (Yes, this happened.) Because, for the Habsburgs, love was blind—and geographically very convenient.
The Legacy of Keeping It in the Family
While the Habsburgs’ approach to love and marriage led to some... genetic hiccups, you can’t say it didn’t work for a while. They built one of the most powerful empires in history, ruled for centuries, and left behind a legacy of incredible art, architecture, and jawlines you could see from orbit.
But their ultimate downfall proves a universal truth: even an empire can crumble when it leans too heavily on its family tree (and its own branches). Eventually, the inbreeding caught up with them, leaving behind a lesson for the ages: maybe let your cousin stay just your cousin.
Love Conquers All (Except Genetics)
So here’s to the Habsburgs, history’s most dedicated family business. They loved their empire, they loved their power, and boy, did they love their relatives. In a world obsessed with “nepo babies,” the Habsburgs were the blueprint—a dynasty that proved you can have it all, as long as you’re willing to kiss your cousin at the altar.
And in their case, “keeping it in the family” wasn’t just a phrase—it was a mission statement.
At first I though I was looking as drawing of Mark Zuckerberg... LOL! I would not be surprised if there is a connection... Haha!
According to the available literature, Cleopatra, the last Queen of Egypt, was the product of 27 generations of brother and sister genetic mating.
She was regarded as very beautiful and highly intelligent.